Meh

Just occurred to me today one of the things that's changed as a result of the parting.

Things matter less.

The little things that complement and amuse and confound and annoy. The tiny little occurrences that strike me in small ways. I used to share them with him, almost every single one of them, and my life somehow felt richer that way. That these things mattered - in really small, minor ways, but it felt like they still contributed to the colours of my life.

Now that I have no one to share them with on a daily, moment-by-moment basis, they don't matter as much anymore.

I sat through a really long Mass today and the priest said a bunch of really silly things. Meh.

I had a really nice lunch at Rendezvous today. Meh.

I'm having a really nice weekend - my parents were out last night and they're out right now, which means I've had the house all to myself, which is what I really like. First thing I did when I arrived home alone was sing loudly. But before I got through the song, it ceased to matter and I stopped singing.

Meh.

Last year, I was finally able to say, "I'm happy" and mean it. But that cynical part of me felt that good things were not meant to last. And waddya know...I was right. My happiness was partly a lie even as I said those words.