55 Fiction

I'm lifting this off a special issue of New Times in San Luis Obispo County, CA, when I visited in summer. This issue really caught my eye - it's their annual 55-word short story contest, and this year's theme was a tribute to Kurt Vonnegut (Candice, you'll probably like these).

These are my favourites. You can view all the winners at http://archive.newtimesslo.com/index.php?p=showarticle&id=2568.

Equal Opportunity

The Emperor's lotus divers decided to hold an international diving contest to prove whose lungs were the best. The winner would receive (ethical) diamonds and tenure.
A pearl diver, a dumpster diver, a deep sea diver, and one walrus showed up. The walrus was disqualified for being a walrus. Its lawsuit bankrupted the empire.

~ Heloise Shinglewit (Anne E. Campisi)~

Cuttings

I'm wearing farewell black. As I walk away, past the mound of wet earth, I silently curse the scent of fresh cut flowers. I'm thankful the cold rain conceals my tears.
She's wearing goodbye white. They said her wounds were deep, cut all the way to the bone. I wish my pain ended there.

~C. Morgan Clayton~

Rain of Secrets

Star and Moon quarreled, each wanting to acquire the other's secret.
"Tell me how to shine like you," said Moon.
"Tell me how to dream like you," Star replied.
Their voices fell as rain on the planet below. A woman, who had lost her umbrella, stood in the street, hair and skin soaking with secrets.

~Kirsten Anderson~

Only $5

SEE A WOMAN BURNED ALIVE! the marquee screamed. ONLY $5!
Inside, she was tied to a stake, coals piled around. She wore a bikini kind of thing. They lit a match.
She struggled and screamed. It took about ten minutes.
It was okay, but not as good as when they strangled the guy last week.

~James W. Harris~

Unacceptable

The roach was at least four feet long. It was lightning fast and it lunged at me. I slammed the door shut just in time. I heard it bang repeatedly against the wood. I went back to the manager and handed him the key.
"That room is simply unacceptable," I said.
"Do you have another?"

~James W. Harris~

Pussy Whipped

I love vagina so much I gave my mum's clitoris a little lick on my way out during birth. I've made plenty of sacrifices to get it. I've sat through shopping trips, paid for dates, and I've even gone as far as to prey on drunks.
Once, I even said, "I love you."

~Thrust Longwood~ [Tell me you don't think this is a pseudonym]

You Can Dust It Off

Peter moved his butcher's blade with calligraphic grace. Could this be the perfect burger?
"Stop," she says.
Peter sighs. Not today.
"You're slicing too thin."
"Sorry mother."
"It takes practice."
He studied his teenaged, defeated reflection in the crimson pooling over the linoleum. "What's this, the fifth husband now?"
A warm smile. "It takes practice."

~C.J. Arellano~