Saturday, November 29, 2014

Sleepless memory of sleeping touch

Can't sleep again. The anxiousness has diminished over the week, though, so at least it hasn't become a chronic motor habit as I previously feared. But the mind still won't shut up when it's too quiet and cool in the room.

I'm in the middle of the memory of a warm body sleeping next to me, the smell of him softly blanketing us both. He won't stop touching me in his sleep - his leg, his arm, his bottom, his shoulder, something has to be in contact with me even when he's fast asleep and unaware. I can't sleep when he does that.

Was it really less than 2 weeks ago?

And now, on a cool bed all to myself, I still can't sleep. But the memory makes my heart lukewarm at this moment, not aching anymore, not beating panic-attack fast anymore, just a little warm.

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