My sister just flew off today, bound for home in Santa Cruz, after two and a half weeks here in Singapore. Before that, I'd spent three and a half weeks with her in Santa Cruz. So total time spent together was six weeks. You'd think that'd be enough to make one happy, innit? Not quite. It now feels all weird and quiet without her and little Sean around. Everything feels a little dead now in the house, and I can't help feeling like there's suddenly not very much to look forward to.
The 3.5 weeks in SC was a rare chance, and it'll be a long while more before another (those who know me and my situation well would understand). I guess it's hard to be almost permanantly thousands of miles away from the person I'm closest to in my life.
I tried not to cry at the airport as they were leaving, and held it in all day after that. I waited through the evening and night, and finally cried in the shower where no one would see me. It felt almost like I was 12 years old again and my sister was just about to leave Singapore to study in Iowa. It almost felt like I was back at the airport 14 years ago, holding on to that tiny stuffed lamb that she'd given me as a going-away present, holding back the tears and then spending the next few weeks bawling my eyes out. If I'd known then that she'd never be back to stay, I bet I'd have been a whole lot more upset.
When I got back from the airport earlier and stepped into the house, it was too quiet. The mess of toys Sean left behind was almost done being cleared away, the sofa bed had been folded away and the shuffled furniture shifted back into their original places. It was strange stepping out of my room later and not see my sis sitting at the dining table reading a magazine or with a kooky grin on her face and a corny wisecrack, and not hear the clatter of toys and Sean's garbled chatter.
My sis had also said it'd be weird for her going home and not having me there. Sigh. The Pacific Ocean is too large for us. July will take too long to come when I'll be visiting again.
I've got to go look for that little lamb, which I suspect, with a sense of dread, has been misplaced over the years.
1 comment:
This is Emery from reading Waiterrant - the Singapore Sling guy. I've been reading your blog - you're a very interesting writer! And yes, Sean is adorable. This post was so moving - it's hard to be so far away from a special person, I do know that! I'm also enjoying your photos - do you have more on the web? I have many on Webshots (NinjaEmery) there. You'll also find me hanging out on LiveJournal, ftemery there. Stop over and say hi. (Ftemery@cablespeed.com) in Washington state, USA
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