Make that a VERY sentimental mood. Been this way all of these two weeks, goodness knows why. In a strange, reflective, romantic, erotic, at times neurotic state of mind, which rarely happens at all. Been having fantasies and images in my head all week, some of which are weird since they don't reflect real desires at all. I guess what was more important are the sentiments they evoke.
Ew. I feel like a sap.
It makes me want to write. Story after story after story. But when I tried one night after a wonderful image sprang up in my head, I found that I didn't have half the words I needed to write it the way I wanted it. Lacking the right words makes me feel so impotent. What I've done is written done a few images in my notebook (longhand, hardcopy), hopefully I'll get to writing about them sometime soon. One of them has the potential to become a book - let's see if my inertia will step aside to allow that someday.
I wonder if it's because I want something more. I'm happy with my life, but perhaps it needs to move and change. Every time my life (or some part of it) stagnates, I keep wanting more even though I'm a creature of habit who thrives on the familiar. Was watching "Shall We Dance" on DVD yesterday, and, cheesy as it sounds, it struck a chord. The protagonist tells his wife that he hid his desire to dance from her because he felt guilty for wanting to be happier. Perhaps that's what I feel right now. Something has stagnated. I want it to keep evolving and changing. If it stays where it is because this is as good as it gets, the only logical way for it to go from here is down. We need to do something about it.
Meanwhile, I'll take advantage of this mood to write. Writing in sentimental moods and times of dissatisfaction is what drives the best of prose.
And why am I perpetually so hungry today?
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