ROCKIN' ON!!

I'm SO glad the girls got me to watch We Will Rock You - if you love or even just like rock, you should be eating your heart out if you missed this! The five of us rocked the edge of Circle 2 (rather precariously at times), screaming, head banging, gyrating, screaming some more.

Deciding to have drinks at Harry's after was the next superb decision we made. Some of the cast showed up there after we were there a while, and we got to chat with Annie Crummer, who plays the Killer Queen (and how!) and Mig Ayesa who plays Galileo. Such groupies we were, hovering with cameras in hand, breathlessly waiting to speak to them.

And it was worth it! Annie Crummer was such a wonderfully warm and unassuming person you can hardly believe she's the kill-with-a-look, industrial-weight corset-wearing, sexuality-oozing, bikini-waxing Killer Queen. Apart from being dazzled speechless by her powerhouse voice, she was so lovely in person that we pretty much fell for her on the spot.
Perhaps the biggest thing we got from it all was inspiration. The energy, clarity and sharpness of the entire cast in the show meant that much more to us now that we're rehearsing for commedia. Moreover, talking with Annie about her work and her thoughts inspired us to no end - it's meeting people like that reminds us why we are actors and why we keep at it.

Meanwhile...rehearsals for The Hypochondriac step up. We relieve stress by dressing up the boys. We really shouldn't.

Shou Chen demonstrates why a real sex change is necessary before trying the femme fatale thing.

I had once before said Shou Chen can be in an ah pek T-shirt with ungroomed hair and still look hot. I take that back.

Countdown to The Hypochondriac

11 days to show! Just spotted our standee in the lobby of the National Library building.

Standing nose-to-nose with QC, I can never win - both latitudinally and longitudinally.

Something tells me his costume is not complete...

Another costume fitting gone wrong. A cross-dressing Wee Willy Winky with SQ Boy behind.
One of the experiments in early rehearsals

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a few snapshots from the previous weeks.

Never knew we had this Colosseum-like building here.

Dinner at Billy Bombers. While Candice has since relinquished her Most Anal title, we got treated to the sight of her perfectly dividing not only the waffle, but also the ice cream that came with it.

When grown boys allow a pretty young thing to run circles around them. Literally. (Erin, El's little girl, was behind that couch.)

A rare sight caught on camera - Ghaz's pout!

All thoughts went back to that sperm race on TV when we saw this dessert.

Terence's napkin origami piece - even though it was a work-in-progress, it still reminded me of a diaper.

What boys do when they're bored.

Viola. The finished product. A mangled diaper.

Alienation

Something's wrong.

Yesterday was very strange. The day started suddenly and held a fast pace, and the vibe was very strange, very off. I felt out of sync with just about everyone I met that day, which was almost everyone in Y&W and the WR office.

It was especially bad at rehearsal and the supper that followed. The VERY late supper that followed.

It's extremely freaky when you're almost invisible in a group, especially a group you're very familiar and ordinarily comfortable with. For some reason, I felt barely noticed last night. It got to a point where I'd speak and no one would hear. Not ignoring me, simply didn't hear me. And that went on to reach a point where I was speaking to myself...and no one noticed.

Didn't help that I was already in a major funk all day...well, all year to date, but it was bad yesterday in particular, even after ice cream and comfort food. I had to suddenly get up and rush to the bathroom before I burst into tears, without quite knowing why. Probably the loneliness I felt.

Loneliness is amplified when you're in a large group.

We walked out towards our cars and cabs in a drizzle. I walked by myself, talking to myself. I got into my car, shut the door, and proceeded to sit in the parking lot crying too hard to start the car. Then I drove home, sat in the car some more, then found myself crying harder than I had since a year ago. Hard and long, like my heart would break - only this time, there was no tangible reason to.

Today was better. Got a nice massage from Jas. Ended well with a fun late dinner with the gang. Doesn't eliminate the blues, but is an effective painkiller for now.

I'm fucking depressed and I'm not sure why. Maybe feeling depressed is making me fall out of sync with everybody.

I need lots of hugs but don't want to ask for them. I don't know who to ask or who I want them from. I can't think of anyone I truly want to be held by.

Gosh, this feels self-indulgent. Like I bloody care.

Random emo(s) of the week

The best thing about being by yourself at home is that you can bawl freely while watching Ugly Betty and not feel like a right idiot. I don't cry at movies. I cry at home. I like eating dry cereal while watching Ugly Betty and skipping forward to all the emo bits and parts where they have the cutest dudes in the least clothing.

The last time I cried for real was last night in the shower. For no particular reason.

Was plugged into my iPod on the bus the other day, and Bette Midler's rendition of Under the Boardwalk came on. It reminded me of my sister and the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz, and reminded me of how much I miss her and the kids.

I thought about the times Sean drives us up the wall, stubborn little boy that he is, the times I think I wouldn't be sorry to be elsewhere at that moment. But I realise that doesn't make me miss him any less. In fact, I wish I was part of every moment.

Same goes for Caitlyn. Each time I speak on the phone with my sis and hear little Cait's voice in the background, I feel like I'm missing so much.

I don't want to miss any part of their lives, whether or not they're being complete sweethearts or intolerable brats (though the baby has yet to get to that point; just wait - she's approaching her terrible twos).

And, of course, I miss my sis to bits. It's never easy having your lifelong best friend on the wrong side of the ocean 10 months in the year. And now, more than ever, I need that best friend.

It's a life of need I'm now living. Needing and not having. So many things.

Maybe I didn't cry in the shower for no reason after all.

Another quiz

Gosh, this quiz is SERIOUSLY boliao. But that's what being awake at 5am does to you.

1. You're really upset. Who is the first girl you call to vent to?
My sis.

2. If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Sure. Why not?

3. Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Yes. I'm not kissing an ashtray.

4. Can you do the splits?
No.

5. Do you get along better with guys or girls?
Get along with both genders just fine.

6. Last person you texted?
Tina

7. Do you like shows like Forensic Files and Unsolved Mysteries?
Forensic Files, not Unsolved Mysteries. I like my mysteries solved.

8. Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
Wee hours of the morning, right before I sleep.

9. List person you were best friends with in 6th grade?
Stephanie.

10. Name the best people who could cheer you up:--
My sis, Sean (my nephew), Caitlyn (my niece), Winds, Ruilian, Joy, most of Y&W.

11. Have you been to New York City?
Yes.

12. Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?
Jamal.

13. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
Yes.

14. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Dominic.

15. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Yes. Did you think I live in a convent?

16. Heard any really great quotes lately?
"Darling, look. So many ships..." (paraphrased)

17. Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
Yes.

18. MySpace or Facebook?
Facebook.

19. Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
SVDP Kindergarten.

20. Have you ever tattooed anyones name on you?
No.

21. Whys your number one on MySpace number one?
Think he's the guy who runs MySpace and is on everyone's MySpace.

22. What is the name of your siblings best friend?
Janet.

23. What's the most appealing thing about the opposite sex?
I don't know, but my hormones do.

24. Which year has been the best so far?
2006.

25. Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
Yes.

26. Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member?
No, at least not more than one particular family member.

27. Last time you smiled!
An hour ago, I think.

28. Last text message in your inbox?
Spam!

29. When is your next road trip?
Who does road trips in Singapore?

30. Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
I have no idea.

31. Where is your phone?
Next to me, on the table.

32. Do you think your current pets will be alive ten years from now?
Don't have any. Not even a toy boy.

33. When was your last bubble bath?
Couple of years back, I think.

34. Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
No.

5.Where is your pet right now?
Dont have one.

37. What color phone do you have?
Black.

38. How many kids do you want to have?
None...for now.

39. What outfit do you have on at this exact moment?
Red tank top, black chinos.

40. What color are your eyes?
Dark Brown

41. What are you doing tomorrow?
Rehearsal.

42. Do you know someone who likes you?
My friends, hopefully.

43. Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
No. It's worse.

44. What color is your hair?
Black with bits of white. Sigh.

45. What would you rather be doing?
Watching a DVD with friends and munching chips and chocolate.

46. What is the closest blue object to you?
My desk.

47. Have you eaten popcorn in the past 48 hours?
No.

48. Do you have a lot of guy friends?
Yes. Once again, which convent do you think I emerged from?

49. Have you ever been in handcuffs?
Yes.

50. If you could say anything to any one person what would it be?
"Feed me." So many ways to interpret a request like that.

Ocean, lover

(Photo credit: unknown Webshots user)

Something as simple as switching the desktop wallpaper at random can trigger introspection.

As it happens, the desktop manager software I use swapped my wallpaper to a random one, and in a flash, I saw tall grey cliffs, battered down to a small, white, sandy beach at their edges, locked in embrace with the richly hued waters of the coast.

And I felt like I was looking at the photograph of an old, unforgotten lover.

I'm no seaman like my father is, but I love the sea all the same. It's different from the love I've felt for any man or boy, yet same in its depth. I've shared ocean sides with lovers before, yet somehow, the way the sea moved me in those moments felt like mine and mine only, even when in the arms of those I loved.

I keep wondering what's this fascination humankind has with bodies of water. I know that deep down we're programmed to seek it and treasure it as a life source, but even the undrinkable, sometimes hostile ocean water captures our imagination and infatuation. Is it the multitude of facets of the world it presents that we're reminded to look at? Is that why we marvel at the sunset over the ocean, its brilliant colours multiplied a million times over the countless waves? Or is it just its constant shifting that compels us to watch it?

It's in times by the sea or even just looking at a picture of it makes me feel like I don't need a lover, that the deep blue is lover enough for me. Like music, like the theatre, it is an inconstant and tempestuous lover, yet it will never break my heart, and I can love it as much as I want.

But I don't know if I'm saying this because I don't have anyone to love (romantically, at least), that I've simply forgotten the sensation of being in love with someone. Perhaps it's just that the ocean is so much more accessible.

Maybe it's because I finally lay eyes on someone remotely f***able...and he's out of bounds.

Let me think...

... ... ...

(thinking)

... ... ...

Nah. I love the ocean anyway. With or without a dude.