Gui sui

The closest translation for gui sui (Mandarin, hanyu pinyin) is to be sneaky, un-straightforward, needing to move beneath the radar.

I noticed something interesting a couple of days ago while browsing through some of my Facebook friends' friends lists looking to add old friends I may have missed. Where Kelvin's Facebook profile had previously been available for all to see, I noticed that he had disappeared from all our mutual friends' lists. And I figured I have just been blocked. While this doesn't upset me in the least, it's amusingly curious.

I haven't asked anyone anything about Kelvin or his new bi...I mean, girlfriend all these months, mostly because I simply cannot be bothered...plus, a lot of them wouldn't know anyway - I still get mutual acquaintances asking me, "Hey! How come you're listed as "single" in Facebook and Friendster?" But every once in a while, I'd take a peek at his blog or his Facebook (think I've seen the latter a grand total of thrice in 4 months), just curious to see if he's broken his silence. He hasn't. Which isn't surprising, considering his MO, which is to hide from dealing with things like awkward questions from puzzled friends and relatives.

Part of me is actually gleeful that he's the coward who consciously stays away from our old haunts, refrains from posting pictures or talking about his life in general view, and in all likelihood stays away from most theatre events. I'm the one walking around with my head held high and nothing to hide. I'm the one who's not afraid to talk about old demons and past regrets. Not afraid to talk about him with friends. Not afraid to be seen.

Coming back to the Kelvin Facebook thing, it made me wonder why only now, seven months after we broke up, months and months after he'd blocked me on MSN (which was certainly not because of anything on my part - I left him completely alone after we parted for good). My guess is he finally wants to put up photos of his new chick and just doesn't want me to see. Goodness knows why. I hope it's because his guilt and inherent gui sui-ness is compelling him to hide his life from me.

He amuses me. How long will he continue to do the hiding game? I wonder if he'll feel silly if he knew how little that means to me. There's no better hell than the one a person creates for himself.