Mad Chinatown & Chinese New Year Malady

Ah, Chinese New Year, the one time of the year you can expect three things: a gross overdose of all things red, a gross overdose of all things edible (TTSH reported an increase in outpatient admissions for food poisoning and overeating!), and a general madness that grips all people Chinese. And woe betide those that come between us Chinese and our food during this time.

Did the obligatory trip to Chinatown past couple of weeks. Well, three trips - two with my mother and one with Kelvin. Amazingly, this was the first time I'd actually went down to Chinatown during the festive season as I'd always made it a point to avoid insane crowds, not moosh with them. Still, was an interesting experience...coupled with the fact that I had the chance to go during early hours of weekdays this time. HAA-haa! Main thing I noticed about the bazaar was that whatever was there, there was a LOT of.

I could smell this stall from a distance away, what with all that waxed meat out in the heat. These babies are probably so preserved they could survive a nuclear holocaust.

Snacks, snacks, snacks! These usually taste absolutely heavenly...up till the tenth household you visit that offers you the exact same goodies. Still, I was intrigued by the sight of rows and rows and rows of 'em.
Candy, the other delectable evil that lurks in every house during the season. Most of the candy stalls here (and there were many of them) featured almost the same species of short, heavy-set man with the booming voice hollering the virtues of their unique imported candy ("Taiwan Mua Jee, $1.80 for 100 grammes!!").

The plants sold there were interesting, to say the least. First, there are those 'lucky plants' in really cute arrangements, though I haven't any idea how the blazes they do that. Then there are my favourite pussy willows that have such nice and soft fuzzy blossoms to touch (why, you dirty-minded thing, I know what you're thinking).
Now that's what I call a cross-cultural exchange. CNY wishes across the doorway of Sri Mariamman Hindu temple along (surprise surprise) Temple Street.

Dawg enjoying the balmy weather.

What I found interesting was that these men stood around in absolutely silent curiosity (not to mention the dude wearing shiny dress shoes and high socks with his go-to-market outfit). In the middle of the little huddle was an elderly man squating nonchalently (almost surly) with a cigarette dangling carelessly between his lips, spreading out his wares. When I peeked, I saw that he was selling vintage posters, cards, leaflets and some records with those very nifty 1950s- or 60s-type pictures of ladies in cheongsams - very fashionable these days, if put on the right merchandise. If you're into vintage collectibles, you can try looking him up at the open space next to Blk 335A where the food centre and market are.

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It seems that Chinese New Year is the time of the year when parents collectively find it their duty to embarass their children. Suddenly, Chinese offspring everywhere find their dusty little keep-at-home secrets common knowledge to all relatives. Their latest escapades and humiliations have become the hilarious anecdote for eager ears gathered around cups of tea and the crackling sound of candy wrappers being ripped open in earnest.

And your parents are right if they think that by doing that, they are vindicating every single one of their comments that you have disagreed with over the year, because relatives will always agree with your folks, unless they are long-suffering cousins just like you. Thinking of working overseas? Suddenly your mother finds a band of support in other family members who all tell you at the same time what a stupid idea it is. Caught one flu during the latest outbreak? Suddenly the frequency and consistency of your poor health has become a topic for deep analysis and loads of well-meaning healthcare advice. Have a major exam coming this year? Suddenly everyone wants to tell you how important education is (like you hadn't heard that before), how you should mix with the right friends, why you should make it to the right schools, and the overall deterioration of today's generation of youths. And parents suddenly become overly affectionate to their kids in front of the relatives, like stroking their hair or cheek while sharing an insight into the trials of parenthood. Even 26-year-old kids.

These relatives and family friends are people I mostly see only once a year, who couldn't remember me telling them the past five new years in a row that yes, I've finished school, and yes, I've been working. And no, I'm not "still in that...you know, that thing you do." My father is the first to chip in and tell them, "She's jobless." By the time I rectify that with "Freelancing", it's too late - they all know for a fact that I'm unemployed and leeching off my parents.

Ah, and curse of being in your twenties and above and unmarried. For it is inevitable that EVERY relative will deign it necessary to ask you when you're getting married, EVEN THOUGH THEY NEVER RECEIVED AN INVITATION, which should be indication enough that they should shut up about it. Don't any of those smug so-called relations realise that it is rude to ask someone about marriage if they clearly aren't planning to yet? Yes, it's rude because it puts you in the spot over a subject that already has you fending off questions from various people at various times, including impatient parents who can't wait to hear the pitter patter of (more) little feet. Or those parents who don't want to look too old in your wedding photos (yes, this is a very real reason told by a very real parent in all seriousness). People, if I'm getting married, fret not - you WILL know about it.

Sometimes, I ponder the smartmouth answers I could give them when they ask when I'm getting married:

"Nah, my girlfriend would disapprove."
"I'm with my boyfriend just for the sex."
"So when is YOUR kid getting married? Only nine years old? Hey, in the old days, she'd be cooking for the new in-laws by now!"
"Marriage might impede my lifestyle as a swinger. My boyfriend sometimes joins in the orgies."
"We intend to go on living in sin."
"Gee, nothing destroys a healthy sex life like marriage." (Credit to Jeremy for this one)

But...I suspect I'll have to deal with a lot more than their gasps of horror if I utter any of these. Sigh.

My friend Lian said to me today that parents embarass us at new year because it's their one chance in the year to do so. I only half agree. I think that it isn't their one chance at doing it, but rather, it is their one chance to MAXIMISE it, so their offspring are embarassed in front of the greatest number of relatives and family friends all at once.

Chinese New Year is not a time for the young and unmarried. I'm pretty grateful that this new year, being sick, I got to hide in my room a lot of the time.