Perhaps I really have forgotten how to feel. It feels remote and inaccessible at this point in time.
Being close enough to smell him, (very) furtively watching him, just the awareness of his presence - these are sometimes almost unbearable. I do like him.
But my heart is not moved. And I think I know why.
I can't feel for someone whose insides I have not seen. Someone who has not opened up to expose the soft insides, if only for a second.
I can't want what I can't see.
I'm safe, for now.
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