Learned something today which left me spooked and deeply affected. But stupidly not really knowing what to do, I tried what little I knew which was, inevitably, rather ineffectual I think.
Helpless and frustrated the rest of the day. The false cheer of the rest of the festive day coloured the following hours with a surreal quality. Even all through an enjoyable late-night party with good company, there was no way to shake it, even as I put on a big smile and laughed with friends.
Helpless because I don't know how to help her. I want to learn, but perhaps I'm not in close enough proximity. Scared shitless that someone wonderful was almost lost.
It was 5 minutes ago at 7am that I gave up trying to sleep on an uneasy heart, allowed myself to burst into tears, then texted my three closest friends to tell them I love them.
E - even though we're not the closest of friends, you were great when I really needed you, and many people love you. Please stay. Don't be sorry, just stay.
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When dressing for the party tonight, I suddenly wanted to put on something that reminded me of my grandma. I took out a necklace that belonged to her, added extension links and wore it as a bracelet. I fingered the opal pendant sporadically throughout the night thinking of her.
I think of her a lot every Chinese new year.
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Surfed over from E's site after I read the comments you left on her site. I'm glad she's alive and well now. I'm not a professional and have been through this before (but not to this extent). All I have, am and will offer to her will be my support and for her to text or call me anytime she needs it. In any case, do check out sites about depression and suicide which give details about how people around can help without making things worse. This is a fairly good site - http://suicidal.com/helping/index.html. - D W
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