F U C K E R

Tonight, I was told that Kelvin Lim Hian Meng was seen with a new girl at a wedding dinner. He brought her to a friggin wedding dinner.

For a couple of hours after I heard, I couldn't stop trembling. It's not that I didn't expect to hear something like this sooner or later. It's just that nothing prepares you for when you hear it.

I later learned that he started dating her before the relationship was even cold in the ground. ONE WEEK after our breakup. [This is too close for comfort. Another fucker I was once in love with also did the same thing to his then long-time girlfriend - one week.]

Which leads me to think that they already liked each other, and maybe even told each other so before we broke up. I knew he already liked her, but this only confirms that she liked him too, and he probably knew it.

Which makes him a fucking liar. Remember what I said about him saying he doesn't feel that he should be in a relationship right now? LIE.

Remember that I said he told me it was only a slight crush? LIE.

Remember, he promised he'd tell me when he found someone new? LIE.

The past 1.5 out of 4 years together? LIE.

Remember what I requested of all my friends: to carve out his balls with a rusty steak knife if he's seen with a new girl anytime soon? NO LIE - please proceed.

He had everyone fooled. Everyone. Even my sister. Everyone thought what a nice young man he was. Convinced everyone that he is such a wonderful, likeable guy, convinced me that he was worth believing in. Who knew he was so full of issues and so ridiculously selfish?

For fuck's sake, I was in the relationship too!! I always cared about how he felt, enough to always ensure we were on the same footing. Didn't he give a shit? It was my life too!! Didn't he feel guilty about all the lies he was telling? FUCKING LIAR.

I'd always tried to be fair, always made it an equitable relationship as much as I could.

But you know what? I was the only one trying.

Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Mr Short Attention Span.

I'm done with being diplomatic and nice. He's a fucker through and through. I've wasted 4 precious years of my life with him, wasted my whole heart and soul on him.

Suddenly his face looks distorted and ugly to me. The thought of how he smelt revolts me. The sound of his voice over the phone earlier was jarring and unpleasant to my ears.

And he wanted to remain friends?? What an idiotic joker. Sorry, asshole. You're not emerging out of this in any way a good guy.

I wonder if New Girlfriend knows what a fucked up shit he is. I hope she finds someone who won't give her that kind of grief. Then again, if she was eyeing him while he was still with me, she can HAVE him - they deserve each other.

It's not that I don't know what it's like to like someone who's attached (and secretly hope he'll break up with her for me). But even way back then, I knew that if a guy did that, there was something fucked up somewhere inside him. (Come to think of it, that attached guy I liked bore some striking personality resemblence to Kelvin. And I thought I'd learned a lesson.)

Fucked if I'll ever trust anyone ever again.