A dream within a dream

"Is all that we see or seem
but a dream within a dream?"
~Edgar Allan Poe~

Do you sometimes get the feeling that the world around you is surreal, that moving through it is like wading through the warm viscousity of a dream?

Events of just a few months past seem like a lifetime ago. Too much, and too little, has happened since.

I've just been a bag of oxymorons since February, haven't I?

I keep waiting to wake up. I want to wake up to something better. My old life, perhaps? The one where I was blissfully fooled into believing I was happy. Even my blog entries of less than a year ago spoke of fulfilment and happiness. Why wouldn't they? I was doing all the things I was passionate about, found incomparable friends, and believed I was in an amazing relationship that felt as wonderful as the day it started, and that it would last a lifetime more. I was no moron - even back then, I knew happiness was fleeting and that something was bound to come rock the boat, but I thought that these things that made me happy were there to stay in one form or another.

I want to wake up back there, if just for a day, just to know what being happy is like again. So much better than this limbo I'm drifting about in. I'm trying so hard to stabilise myself, but it's tiring on my own. Four years of having someone there becomes more than a habit - it's an entire state of being. Adjusting to being on my own is so much harder, even if it frees up my emotional resources which were previously used trying to be strong for two people. It was tiring being with him, but this is more exhausting, like standing on one leg.

I fear it, but I want to be loved again, freely and honestly. I want to wake up. Wake up, Daffy.

Or maybe I've just been too sleep-deprived for too long.