Satellite blues

Track: "Satellite" by BT.

I just went and did a stupid thing. For the first time since 17 February, I listened to "Satellite". It was on my playlist and I gamely decided not to skip the track this time. The moment the track started up, I was instantly annoyed with myself, because a familiar pain washed over me again.

This confounded song was once Kelvin's favourite and I overplayed it the first year we were together and he was in Sydney, feeling that little bit closer to him each time I did. It's a very lovely track, but I stopped listening to it the moment we broke up. I should have kept it that way. I remember once telling him that it's a stupid song if you ever stopped to listen to the words, but its overall effect is hypnotising and evocative, and that is enough to merit an emotional response.

Fucking reminder of my days in love, when I thought it was ok to love with my entire being and entire soul. The days when I felt complete.

Why did I have to go and listen to this fucking song and remember at once what it was like to be utterly in love?